Welcome to the Jokes Catalog. We have a wide collection of jokes for you!
So many jokes, so little time. Hope you enjoy these jokes.
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So many jokes, so little time. Hope you enjoy these jokes.
Share with your friends🤣
Catalog😆
Some Jokes For You😍
Football
What kind of tea do football players drink? Penaltea! Baseball
Why are baseball players so cool? They always have their fans there! Chihuahua
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy, says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.” He goes up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman says, “Ok then, come on in.” The second guy sees this and does the same thing. He goes up to the pub, and the doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy stops for a second, and exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?” Neutron
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." Golf
Text Msg to Wife: "I'm having just one more beer with guys after golf. If I'm not home in an hour, read this message again.” Camping
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Robin replies, " I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asks Batman. Robin ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?" "Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent." Protestors
A group of protesters in front of a physics lab: “What do we want?”. “Time travel” “When do we want it?”. “Irrelevant.” Pirate
How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? He bought it on sail. Baseball
Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base. Hunters
Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances. “What if we get lost?” says one of them. “Fire three time up in the air, every hour on the hour” says the other. “I saw it on TV.” Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three times up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. “Why didn’t you do what I said?” asked the hunter. “I did! I fired three times up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows.” Atoms
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything! |
Baseball
You're in a room with no doors and no windows, and all you have is a baseball bat. How do you get out? Strike 1! Strike 2! Strike 3! You're out! Animal Jokes
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An Investigator! Kitty Valentine
What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day? You’re purrr-fect for me. Catch me if you can!
Several years ago we headed to a nearby town to visit some relatives. I had a new car and was having fun driving fast on the twisty country roads. As we zoomed along, I noticed a three-legged chicken keeping pace with me. I slowed to get a better look at the speedster when it turned and went down a dirt road. I stopped, turned around and followed it. After a short ride, we came upon a house with an older couple sitting on the porch and dozens of three-legged chickens in the yard. I asked them, “Are these your chickens? They’re the fastest I’ve ever seen.” The old man said, “Yep.” So I asked him where they came from, and he replied, “When the kids were younger, they always fought over the chicken legs, so we decided to breed a three-legged chicken.” I nodded and said, “Well, they are fast, but what do they taste like?” He admitted, “Not rightly sure; we never could catch one. Adopted
Father looks hard at a teenage son, “James, you’ve been adopted.” James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.” Restaurant
A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?” - The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.” Helium
Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react. Atoms
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: “Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.” Train
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?" I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!" Better Luck Next Time
Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they had six deer. “The plane won’t carry six deer, you’ll have to leave two of them,” said the pilot. Unwilling to leave their deer, the hunters said “We got six on the plane last year.” After going back and forth for a few minutes, the pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, “Any idea where we are?” The second hunter said, “Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year.” |