Enjoy these birthday puns with your family and friends. Share it with them on their birthdays. Have Fun with Puns! Puns: When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half. It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.” Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11 and birthday candles: Do your job. Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one. Age is a relative thing. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am. You know you're getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest. Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Try taking the candles off. I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you. I always feel warm on my birthday because people don't stop toasting me. You know you're getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party. I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face. Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know. If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook! The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. It's easier to remember your age if you don't change it every year. I used to be a boy trapped in a woman's body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born! I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. Today is your birthday, so congratulate yourself, especially if you're still young enough to remember it. The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake. It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime. Greeting Cards: When you care enough to send the very best but not enough to actually write something. Because it was my brother's birthday, our mom wanted to do something special. She called his fraternity house and said she wanted to bring a cake. The young man who took the call was very excited. "Hey, Mrs. Schaeffer," he said, "that would be great!" The next day she drove to the fraternity and rang the doorbell. The same boy answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. "Oh," he said, clearly disappointed. "I thought you said 'keg.' " As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by friends, relatives and co-workers. Over the years I've noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries. In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you going out with this weekend?" In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who are you dating?" In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating anyone?" Now people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse? Every year on my birthday, I looked forward to my aunt's gift—a scarf, hat, or sweater knitted by hand. One year, she must have had better things to do because I received a ball of yarn, knitting needles, and a how-to-knit book. Her card read "Scarf, some assembly required." Next: Birthday Jokes
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