Mums made us laugh when we were young. Now, it is our turn to entertain them. Share these mum jokes with your mums. Laughter is the best medicine! Mum Jokes 1. Help Sign While driving on the highway, my daughter noticed a child in the window of a car in the next lane, holding up a handwritten sign that read "Help." A few minutes later, the car passed her and she again glanced at it. The little boy held up the same sign and this time followed it with another, which read "My mother is singing!" 2. Sick Habit A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" "No," I replied, "I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well." "You know," she observed, "you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often." 3. Photo While doing renovations in our house, one of the workmen paused to look at a flattering photo of me wearing makeup and a fancy gown. I heard him let out a low whistle and ask my son, Joshua, "Who's that?" "That's my mom," Joshua answered. "Wow," the man said, "my mother doesn't look like that." "Yeah," my son said, "well, neither does mine." 4. Like Mother, Like Daughter On our way to my parents' house for dinner one evening, I glanced over at my 15-year-old daughter. "Isn't that skirt a bit short?" I asked. She rolled her eyes at my comment and gave me one of those "Oh, Mom" looks. When we arrived at my folks' place, my mother greeted us at the door, hugged my daughter, then turned to me and said, "Elizabeth! Don't you think that blouse is awfully low-cut?" 5. The Confusion When I arrived at school for my daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting at the wrong desk." "I don't understand," I replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Gulbrandsen, our appointment was tomorrow." 6. Over Eater Although I knew I had put on a few pounds, I didn't consider myself overweight until the day I decided to clean my refrigerator. I sat on a chair in front of the appliance and reached in to wipe the back wall. While I was in this position, my teenage son came into the kitchen. "Hi, Mom," he said. "Whatcha doin', having lunch?" I started my diet that day. 7. Trash Day One rainy morning, my mother went for her daily run. As she returned to the house, she slipped and fell, hitting her head on the driveway. I called the paramedics. When they arrived, they asked my mom some questions to determine her coherency. "What is today?" inquired one man. Without hesitation, Mom replied, "Trash day." 8. Eating Up Mother and I were discussing our mutual weight problem one evening, when I challenged her to a contest. If I lost the most weight in the next month, I wouldn't have to pay her the $6 that I owed her. If she lost the most weight, I would have to pay up. Anything for an incentive! "All right," said Mother happily. "But let's wait two weeks before we start. There are some things I have to eat first." 9. A Cool Family I discussed peer pressure and cigarettes with my 12-year-old daughter. Having struggled for years to quit, I described how I had started smoking to "be cool." As I outlined the arguments kids might make to tempt her to try it, she stopped me mid-lecture, saying, "Hey, I'll just tell them my mom smokes. How cool can it be?" 10. Perfect Timing On vacation in Hawaii, my step- mom, Sandy, called a café to make reservations for 7 p.m. Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "I'm sorry, all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?" "That's fine," Sandy said. "Okay," the woman confirmed. Then she added, "Just be advised you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table." Best Ones: A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!” Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me! A kid walks up to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I go bungee jumping?” The mom says “No, you were born from broken rubber and I don’t want you to go out the same way!” Chris: Why is a computer so smart? Mom: It listens to its motherboard. Don’t wake up mom! There are at least seven species who eat their young. Your mom may be one of them. A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.” Some More: A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!” Daughter: Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? Mum: I don’t know dear, you’d have to ask Grandma. To Mum: I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m hot, Can I have…, Where are you? To Dad: Where’s Mum? What do you call a small mom? Minimum. Sunday school teacher: Tell me, Adam. Do you say prayers before eating? Adam: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My Mum’s a good cook. What three words solves Dad’s every problem? Ask your mother. “Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his mother replied. After dinner the mother inquired, “Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” Joke Stories Why Is Your Hair White? One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks: “Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?” Her mother replied: “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked: “Mumma, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?” My Side Of The Family A little girl asked her mum, “How did the human race appear?” Mum answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …” Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.” The confused girl returned to her mum and said, “Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?” The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!” Always Questioning My mother is always trying to understand what motivates people, especially those in her family. One day she and my sister were talking about one relative's bad luck. "Why do you suppose she changed jobs?" Mother asked my sister. "Maybe she has a subconscious desire not to succeed." "Or maybe it just happened," said my sister, exasperated. "Do you know you analyze everything to death?" Mother was silent for a moment. "That's true," she said. "Why do you think I do that?"
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