Going fishing? Try taking these fishing jokes with you. Make your fishing buddies laugh with these fishing jokes. Enjoy and make your friends laugh or cry with these fishing jokes. Fishing Jokes Where does a fish end-up when it flies? A magic carp What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!. What do fish use for money? Sand dollars! Where does a fish keep his money? In the River Bank! What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife...... the best trade I ever made. What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike Where do fish sleep? In a river bed Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop. What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish. Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon! What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish? Huckleberry Fin! Why are gold fish orange? The water makes them rusty! What will Santa bring your fish this Christmas? A scale letrix! What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish? Tsardines What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing? Darth Wader. What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!" If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish! What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather What do you call a fish without the eye? fsh More Fishing Jokes What kind of money do fishermen make? Net profits! What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird’s leg, and a hand? Birdsthigh fish fingers! What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie How did the fish’s tail gets stuck in the anchor chain? It was just a fluke! What fish do road-menders use? Pneumatic krill What is dry on the outside, filled with water, and blows up buildings? A fish tank Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea? Jack the kipper What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend? Your place or mine? What did the sardine call the submarine? A can of people Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools! What do you call a fish that won’t shut up? A big-mouthed bass! Why did the Vegan go fishing? Just for the Halibut Funny Fishing Jokes Stories Drunken Ice Fishing One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there." He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?" "No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager." Three Priests Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait. The first priest got up and walked across the water to get some more bait. After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait, so he got up and walked across the water. After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom. The first priest turned to the second priest and asked, “Should we have told him where the rocks were?” Man Overboard A man is out fishing in his row boat when suddenly a passing speed boat raises huge waves and the man's oars fall overboard! He is stranded out in the middle of the lake! After about two hours, he sees another row boat going by with a man and two women in it! The first man yells, "Hey buddy, can I borrow one of your oars?" The other man yells back, "They're not whores ... they're my sisters A Priest A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. “That’s what I like to see,” said the priest, “A man helping his fellow man.” As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, “Well, he sure doesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.” Lure A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one." Funeral Service One day, two guys Frank and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by. Frank said, “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!” Bob replied, “It’s the least I could do. After all, I was married to her for 30 years.”
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |